i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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