Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
