There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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