dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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