textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
