i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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