I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
