return my video game
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
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Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
