Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Randomize