Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
