i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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