Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
