I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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