I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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