ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
