No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
