I wanna bring you to show and tell
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
