Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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