His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
