is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
We named our party play list daddy issues
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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