Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
