it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
