5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
