i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
