Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
