I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
