I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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