If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
