so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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