i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
