But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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