At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
