I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
