No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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