his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
