winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
