would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
