"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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