She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
