Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
