She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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