We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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