he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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