guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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