I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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