In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Come on in and take your pants off
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