the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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