and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
