so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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