dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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