fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I cannot find my penis.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
