I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Who died my cat blue again?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
