I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
