he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
This beer is not sobering me up at all
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
