i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
