I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I think your dad took our porno
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
