I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
