Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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