I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
