yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
