those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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