life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
where are my pants?
in the oven.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
