I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
