last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize